Lather, Rinse, Repeat... repeat... repeat!

I don't know what else to say but... I'm now a dad.

I am going to try my best to keep this blog going. I have been out of the game and busy with work, and now busy with baby. I hope I find time to update my adventures as I go.

Little dude is now 3 weeks old. It's amazing how dramatic of a difference there is between minute 1 and week 3. So far he has felt like a blessing, but fatherhood isn't without it's "OMG why are you crying... I want to crush you!" moments. The best thing to do right now is take every moment at a time. Walk away when I need a breather, and try to keep light hearted.

I'll be sharing my birth experience the moment I get a chance. Until then, wish me luck ;-)

and so we wait....

Laying in bed with Mrs. PBS tucked in next to me. Fresh from a little "inducing" session.

Making Love is given new meaning when your expression yields such an amazing result. Still I can't say I don't miss the messy dirty "throw me around and treat me like a slut" sex. I enjoy being close and sharing Love, but I think we both are ready to get back to some of the things we miss. Like Sushi.

Mrs. PBS woke up this morning feeling different... not different enough to not be a crank on the commute this morning... but she definitely looked different. She was glowing. Her skin smooth and shiny, her eyes sparkling like the day we met. She says that the baby moved down last night. This was later confirmed at her OBGYN appt. -1 station and 75% effaced. He's on his way...

The emotions start to flood. The excitement starts to compound. The stress of "are we ready?" hits us harder than it's hit before. Excitement in terror in a single cocktail.

Yet. We still wait, like with everything in pregnancy you wait...

"I'm Pregnant" you wait. 3 months later in the clear, free of doubts.

"Hey Family and Friends, we're pregnant!!" here comes the flood of unwanted unsolicited advice, reading books and blogs, the fear the acceptance... and, you wait.

"Baby shower time!" your home filled with friends and family, gifts piled to your eye balls, open all the boxes, put together the nursery, get it all ready for a baby to move in but... you wait.

Pregnancy in it's self is a test. Of what? You name it. Facing your fears, facing your insecurities, facing everything about yourself you want to improve. Every struggle laid out in front of your for the merry go round of scrutiny... all, while you wait.

Mothers Day REMIX

I've always celebrated Mother's Day the same way for the last 27 years.

Flowers for my mom, go out to bunch / breakfast, take some pictures, shell out the standard gift certificate my mom will eventually forget she has and never use... call it a (mother's) day.

NOW things are change'n!! It used to be a day that made up for all the other times I was a negligent son. Pick up something last minute on the way to bunch and be a hero for a day. Now I'm the dad... responsible for at least 18 more Mother's Days WITH the kids. Planning the whole thing, making sure each little one did something, made something, says something, acts and plays nice.

What Holiday is parenthood going to change next? Memorial Day? Fathers Day (DUH), Independence Day? Labor Day (mothers day #2?) Don't get me wrong I am NOT complaining... I knew things where gonna change, I just didn't expect Holidays where gonna change. Which brings me to the realization: Everything is going to change.

Up will be down, left will be right, circles will be triangles crudely drawn in crayon on construction paper, caterpillars will have people names and occupy space in my house but not be paying rent, taco will actually mean taco again... EVERYTHING IS GONNA CHANGE.

Whatever. I say bring on the change.

So we celebrated Mrs. PBS's first mother's day the way any REAL mother's day should start: With sex. I am sure once the little weeble is actually born this is going to have to be done as early as 12am... but any good mother's day starts with an orgasm for mommy. We had brunch plans with my mom and sister, so making breakfast wasn't really in the cards. I brought her some cereal to tide her over until brunch and put on some netflix in bed.

*Cozy*

Brunch with my mom, the new mom, my sister and her BF at Cheese Cake Factory (Fish Tacos for brunch... Taco means Taco again...) In standard practice I seem to turn into a mischievous little shit when I am in presence of my mom, sister, and wife. Something in that combo compounds the quick witty silly humor. I think I just like making them all laugh, especially Mrs. PBS. After my sister and I split the check down the middle it was back home... for... YOU GUESTED IT, more sex.

I have learned then when your wife doesn't want to have sex for a day or two... that's probably a good thing. It's like she is willing refusing water in the desert. Once she realizes how thirsty she is... she no longer wants it, she NEEDS it.

After a little post sex nap we were off to her prenatal massage! She purchased herself this massage, and I wish I could claim it as my own idea. What's even more embarrassing for my mothers day failure is that she scheduled one for me too! I'm not too proud to turn down a massage on her day, in fact a relaxed husband is probably a great gift for a relaxed mom! Right?

Our Glutenous Mother's Day continued with a quick stop at Robeks (smoothies) , Sweet Green (huge salads) , and Red Velvet (gourmet cupcakes) before heading home. The night before I went to Home Depot to buy two Adirondack chairs for her gift. She had said she wishes we had better lounging chairs for the back yard. Since she is going to be a stay at home mom soon I really wanted to make sure she could spend some solid lounge time outside. This is after all HER summer. So we headed home with our troff of food and dessert and lounged out in the yard.

All in all a pretty perfect Mother's Day, which ended in a second massage before bed.

Homebirth Handgrenade (of death)

Having a pregnant wife...

sometimes...

is like running across a busy highway.

Blind Folded...

while really really hungry.

Not so much while hungry actually. I am just really hungry right now. I ate half my left over "Carrabas Italian Grill" from last night, and it didn't seem to satisfy the monster that dwells the swampy hallows of my gut (Trevor).

Today I get a call from my wife:

Me: "Hello Hello"
Mrs. PBS : "I am a crazy person"
Me: "Hi Honey!"
Mrs. PBS : "I am reading all these facts about hospital births, and I want a home birth. I am going to say some crazy unreasonable, irrational things now about how I am going to give birth at home on a tarp with our emergency home birth kit (yes, we got one...) and I am not gonna call you until I have the baby in my hands!"
Me: "I am very level headed and think we should talk about this later, how about that my dearest Love of all time?"
Mrs. PBS : "I am not asking you, I am telling you! CRAZIES!!!"

Exact conversation, I swear.

Ok, I don't really think she is crazy though. SURE we are at 34 weeks and changing everything... but man I tell you. I wouldn't be married to this Lovely woman if I didn't expect adventures such as these.

I completely understand where she is coming from. I will never understand what it will be like to carry and give birth to a child, but I would Love it if we could try to make sure our (her) birth was a close to ideal as possible. After we both calmed down, we laughed about the idea of having the baby at home, without a care giver, on a tarp... (hehe, tarp baby) and made quick work to find out what we could do to change the situation.

I called basically every midwife with in an hour of us. Which yielded some moderately good news.

We don't really know what steps we are going to take next. Hopefully we can find a CNM (Certified Nurse Practitioner) who can work out of the hospital, and accept our insurance. Maybe we can find someone to do a home birth for a little less? Maybe the Lord Jesus Christ will come from the North Pole in his mobile birthing sled do the whole thing pro bono?

No matter what happens I think we will still be in good hands with our OBGYN if we go the hospital route. She so far has been super supportive of everything we have wanted for our birth experience, even saying she would try to get nurses that are pro natural child birth to assist the process.

I have to say, though I joke about the craziness of it, I am proud that my wife said something. Rather than not, and maybe later feeling like she cheated herself out of at least the CHANCE of having the exact experience she wants.

Blogaplegic

It's hard to know where to begin when writing a blog...

I imagined that once I set the whole thing up, ideas would come to me like mullets to a Walmart. They just aren't coming... it could be the massive poo tickle I am experiencing begging me to vacate my office and run to the bathroom for sweet release. But damn it I refuse! Until I have something substantial written down on this first blog entry everyone in this room will suffer the wrath of my stinky wind. (Sorry BriBri)

At the very least I should tell you why I'm here.

I don't know why I'm here... Well maybe I do. I want to be different from my old man ( I don't think i have ever call him "my old man" in my life) I want to be a better father, a better husband, a better man then he thought he could ever be. It's a complicated story that will unravel it's self over the course of this blog, but put simply, My dad was kind of a piece of shit. Misogynistic, racist, selfish... I know I am not like him. I'm not as much worried about that as I was when I was 18.

I thinking growing up the way I did ( single mother barely floating paycheck to paycheck with a transient father) I have a unique experience most of my friends didn't have. Most of them growing up privileged with everything they needed/ wanted always available. A 6 figure house hold income, both parents together, summer vacations... the American Dream?

So As a result I've become the black sheep of my sometimes traditional Persian family. My mother herself an outlier in the Persian community. After all I am 1st Generation trying to rewrite the wrongs of my father. Wish me luck? Pack me a Lunch? It's gonna be a long trip.

Hopefully I'll share some laughs, share some struggles and we'll have some fun!